Just like a balloon in the sky, I've been lifted for take off,
Carried by the winds of change.
Surrounded by beauty, not just that of nature,
but that of sincerity, truth and honesty.
That of hugs and companionship.
That of friendship.
That of love.
Liftoff has been a bit rocky,
but taking those chances of popping makes it exhilarating when I'm finally flying.
My heart, as big as the world just keeps growing with every passing day.
My head, once filled with doubt, confusion and fright finally feels rested.
Walking hand in hand in life with like minded others,
It brings a sense of contentment, you know you're not alone.
I used to run, but now I'm not going to hide any longer.
The smile on my face could light the world,
the love in my heart could hold up the earth.
To be lost momentarily, and then found is a feeling like no other,
My heart is connected to those in a way I'd never known.
My love is larger than I've ever thought it could be,
My heart is exuding a passion that I've never felt, finally feeling like it's understood completely with no explanation needed.
I feel as though I could pop this balloon, but I would fall into the arms of my friends, the arms of my loved ones, even the arms of caring, compassionate strangers.
I would tumble and fall onto cloud 11....
I'm already floating on cloud 10 in every aspect and I don't feel like coming down,
Finally, I have that choice.
Finally, I'm myself again.
Finally.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Should you go....
Should you go first and I remain,
To walk the road alone,
I'll live in memory's garden, dear,
With happy days we've known.
In Spring I'll wait for roses red,
When fades the lilac blue,
In early Fall when brown leaves call
I'll catch a glimpse of you.
Should you go first and I remain,
For battles to be fought,
Each thing you've touched along the way
Will be a hallowed spot.
I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile,
Though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand
Will buoy me on with hope.
Should you go first and I remain,
To finish with the scroll,
No length 'ning shadows shall creep in
To make this life seem droll.
We've known so much of happiness,
We've had our cup of joy,
And memory is one gift of God
That death cannot destroy.
Should you go first and I remain,
One thing I'd have you do:
Walk slowly down that long, lone path,
For soon I'll follow you.
I'll want to know each step you take
That I may walk the same,
For some day down that lonely road
You'll hear me call your name.
To walk the road alone,
I'll live in memory's garden, dear,
With happy days we've known.
In Spring I'll wait for roses red,
When fades the lilac blue,
In early Fall when brown leaves call
I'll catch a glimpse of you.
Should you go first and I remain,
For battles to be fought,
Each thing you've touched along the way
Will be a hallowed spot.
I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile,
Though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand
Will buoy me on with hope.
Should you go first and I remain,
To finish with the scroll,
No length 'ning shadows shall creep in
To make this life seem droll.
We've known so much of happiness,
We've had our cup of joy,
And memory is one gift of God
That death cannot destroy.
Should you go first and I remain,
One thing I'd have you do:
Walk slowly down that long, lone path,
For soon I'll follow you.
I'll want to know each step you take
That I may walk the same,
For some day down that lonely road
You'll hear me call your name.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
People, by nature, are good in my book. It's not always a facade!
I'm going to use myself as a subject for this blog, might be a bit too honest, but I'm nothing but that. I'm currently in a position I should not to be in...I'm in a position to believe one or the other with very strong and torn feelings. Look through facade? Is there a facade there or not? Do I deserve this? Absolutely not. Or do I? Is this the effect of karma? Is karma truly real if you believe in it?
It comes to the question...do you trust your heart, and when does your heart steer you wrong? Does it ever? (I'm definitely not elaborating on this, that'll take me all day and 5 pages)
KARMA: 1. Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman. Compare bhakti (def. 1), jnana.
KARMA: 2. Theosophy. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.
You would think I believe whole-heartedly in Karma, as I love the eastern religions/philosophies. (While Buddhism is a direct connection to Karma, I study a path...not a religion. Taoists believe that people are by nature, good, and that one should be kind to others simply because such treatment will probably be reciprocated. This is my way of thinking, which might help some of you clear up the way in which I act, treat, forgive & trust others so easily.)
I sometimes wonder, if Karma just a manifesation of your own work? You feel deep down inside your conscience that you should be punished for wrongdoings towards others. Even if you don't, your body holds pain, regret, sorrow, anger and several other negative feelings. Your body has the capability to remember certain instances even when you don't, we are creatures of the earth, there's a hell of a alot more going on inside of us than we think. Ever wonder why we fester up emotions during the oddest times? Possibly our bodies trying to eradicate the feelings that we truly don't need stored away. Albeit what do we do as a society? Hide it. Stuff it down deep! Make it disappear! Show no emotion and you will be content, or at least trick others into thinking you're content.
Tricking others is something I've never been good at and I am grateful as shit of that. Being an open book is not high on anyone's list, but, you ask me how I'm doing....Damn right I'm going to tell you. YOU'LL KNOW! Haven't you ever heard anyone say "Don't ask if you don't care!" Well, don't.
Guess what else? I don't care what anyone thinks about that. I'm a nerd, I'm a dork, I wear it more than proudly. I'm uncomfortable a lot and I say dumb things because of it.....I wouldn't have it any other way. Have you ever seen someone tell a joke and you hear crickets chirping afterwards...the awkward heavy feeling weighing in the air? Did Jenn just tell a joke? Knock, knock....ABSOLUTELY!
Ranting and raving with an underlying positivity and an outer layer of dry emotion must the topic today, eh? Maybe a little more insight simply on my own POV? I figure that hearing another's POV actually helps to strengthen yours. I've noticed that if someone doesn't believe in themselves/their point of view, they'll get defensive when challenged. If you're one of those who gets defensive when something's brought up, maybe that means you should step back and take a long hard look at your thought process/beliefs/yourself, there must be something you're not truly believing in. Once you find it, I'm pretty sure there's no more tricking others into thinking your content anymore, it will just happen. Won't THAT feel good! Mmmm, like peace & heaven enveloping your body in happiness (even though a lot of us agreed that we're meeting in hell & having a party, that party's still on).
Ahhh, Lao Tzu, thanks for the little thoughts today, I was feeling a bit unbalanced. Balance is the essence of life, our bodies are trained at the lowest level to keep homeostasis.
Homeostasis: the tendency of a system, especially the physiological system of higher animals, to maintain internal stability, owing to the coordinated response of its parts to any situation or stimulus that would tend to disturb its normal condition or function.
Long story short: balance. You know when you're off balance. Fix it. Do the right thing. Everyone knows deep down in their heart & their gut what that iS. If you feel a tinge or something odd...change what you're doing.
“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”
Over & out....
It comes to the question...do you trust your heart, and when does your heart steer you wrong? Does it ever? (I'm definitely not elaborating on this, that'll take me all day and 5 pages)
KARMA: 1. Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman. Compare bhakti (def. 1), jnana.
KARMA: 2. Theosophy. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.
You would think I believe whole-heartedly in Karma, as I love the eastern religions/philosophies. (While Buddhism is a direct connection to Karma, I study a path...not a religion. Taoists believe that people are by nature, good, and that one should be kind to others simply because such treatment will probably be reciprocated. This is my way of thinking, which might help some of you clear up the way in which I act, treat, forgive & trust others so easily.)
I sometimes wonder, if Karma just a manifesation of your own work? You feel deep down inside your conscience that you should be punished for wrongdoings towards others. Even if you don't, your body holds pain, regret, sorrow, anger and several other negative feelings. Your body has the capability to remember certain instances even when you don't, we are creatures of the earth, there's a hell of a alot more going on inside of us than we think. Ever wonder why we fester up emotions during the oddest times? Possibly our bodies trying to eradicate the feelings that we truly don't need stored away. Albeit what do we do as a society? Hide it. Stuff it down deep! Make it disappear! Show no emotion and you will be content, or at least trick others into thinking you're content.
Tricking others is something I've never been good at and I am grateful as shit of that. Being an open book is not high on anyone's list, but, you ask me how I'm doing....Damn right I'm going to tell you. YOU'LL KNOW! Haven't you ever heard anyone say "Don't ask if you don't care!" Well, don't.
Guess what else? I don't care what anyone thinks about that. I'm a nerd, I'm a dork, I wear it more than proudly. I'm uncomfortable a lot and I say dumb things because of it.....I wouldn't have it any other way. Have you ever seen someone tell a joke and you hear crickets chirping afterwards...the awkward heavy feeling weighing in the air? Did Jenn just tell a joke? Knock, knock....ABSOLUTELY!
Ranting and raving with an underlying positivity and an outer layer of dry emotion must the topic today, eh? Maybe a little more insight simply on my own POV? I figure that hearing another's POV actually helps to strengthen yours. I've noticed that if someone doesn't believe in themselves/their point of view, they'll get defensive when challenged. If you're one of those who gets defensive when something's brought up, maybe that means you should step back and take a long hard look at your thought process/beliefs/yourself, there must be something you're not truly believing in. Once you find it, I'm pretty sure there's no more tricking others into thinking your content anymore, it will just happen. Won't THAT feel good! Mmmm, like peace & heaven enveloping your body in happiness (even though a lot of us agreed that we're meeting in hell & having a party, that party's still on).
Ahhh, Lao Tzu, thanks for the little thoughts today, I was feeling a bit unbalanced. Balance is the essence of life, our bodies are trained at the lowest level to keep homeostasis.
Homeostasis: the tendency of a system, especially the physiological system of higher animals, to maintain internal stability, owing to the coordinated response of its parts to any situation or stimulus that would tend to disturb its normal condition or function.
Long story short: balance. You know when you're off balance. Fix it. Do the right thing. Everyone knows deep down in their heart & their gut what that iS. If you feel a tinge or something odd...change what you're doing.
“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.”
Over & out....
Monday, October 17, 2011
ALL ONE!! ALL ONE!!!!
Hiatus much! I'm returning back to the blogging world after a nice long stint of old fashioned pen & paper writing. (No feather pen, hemp paper & calligraphy, but I still consider it ol' fashioned). I'm back.
I was sitting here trying to think of a simple topic to pointlessly vent about, then I realized that my writing style has nothing to do with structure, topics or correct grammar. So here it is: The no topic topic. The vent, the rant, the babble. Enjoy the blog of chaos (in other words, enjoy me purging my brain onto an electronic unlocked diary that I openly allow the world to snoop in on and judge).
So, in the past few months, I have had my eyes opened to the world of being single. Talk about frightening at first. WHOA! A new dish on the menu, a new elmo on the market....let's attack! Simply put, I felt like tickle me Elmo, minus the tickling (a little too "free love-esque" for me, sorry Sesame Street). Why is it that the second you get out there, the rabid dogs want to attack like you're the last piece of meat on earth, caaaaalm doowwwwn. Why do you think I would want to search for something new the day after? Thank you, but I'm good. Granted, within time, someone might pop up unexpectedly, while it slaps you in the face, you're trying to keep your head on straight and think logically, keep your head from spinning out of control, exorcist style. Maybe the true thing to do would be to surrender. I mean, what's so wrong with feeling warm & fuzzy and just being happy? Mostly people are worried what others are going to think. WHO CARES? It's YOUR life, why are you letting others dictate anything you do simply by their judgement. If someone is judging you harshly because you're proactively pursuing your happiness, then it must mean that they aren't happy and they want you to join the "downer train" with them. Sorry, but I prefer to take "Stoked Street" in my trusty 1964 VW bug, thanks though.
Everyone has a "rule" after a break-up. "You need to give it half the time for which you were in it." "You should never start dating so soon" or "Just eat chocolate and pickles."
I did the latter. That was my own advice to myself....and guess what? It worked the best! I ate my fill of dill, salty goodness, and dark, rich, sugary smooth cocoa and moved on. Contentment and joy all because of the pickles, who would've thought!
Basically what I'm saying in a long, windy round about way is.....STOP listening to everyone else! Listen to that thing in your chest that pumps lovely blood all through your body, and that acid filled sac below it. For all of you that didn't get that...your heart & your gut.
People ask for advice from others (I'm guilty as well), but they already have a predetermined thought of what they want to do anyway. Why ask? Justification? So if it's the wrong thing to do, you can pass it on, take no blame and say "so & so gave me advice to do that." Awwww, man up! Grow a pair, you'll have a better outlook about yourself and when you do make those correct desicions, you'll know it was ALLLL YOU! (Reminding me of Dr. Bronner ALL ONE!! ALL ONE!)
I was talking to a friend about that soap the other day, we were talking about the label and what is said on it. Has anyone ever read that and start laughing out loud? Or praying? or just stared blankely at it wondering "WTF?" I've done all 3, depending on my inspiration that day. Although, I felt bad for my roommates, for each scenario, there would be a response from them:
1. "Why the hell is she laughing hysterically like a fucking hyena in the bathroom?"
2. "Why did Jenn bring a rosary into the shower with her?"
3. "Why is she walking around with her soap, staring at it looking so confused?"
Although, I was so enthralled with the soap, I didn't notice these reactions to my oddness. Enthrall: To captivate or charm. Dr. Bronner....you have charmed me with your crazy rants like a snake charmer allures a rattlesnake. I mean look at this guy!
Who WOULDN'T be charmed my that little, crazy & INSANE sweet face. And I mean crazy. ALL ONE! I can just feel him yelling "ALL ONE!!!!!" at me as loud as possible. Teeth and fist clenched with super soapy passion!
Mmm, soapy passion! Passion is such an amazing word...and an amazing feeling. PASSION! So powerful. If you don't have it....you're missing out on life...so GET IT!
Well, now I'm going to GET WITH IT and end this fabulous mind spinning, scattered rant of a blog.
I leave you with this until next time:
Teach the whole human race the Moral ABC of All-One-God-Faith! For we're ALL-ONE OR NONE!! ALL-ONE!!!! ALL-ONE!!!
Oh, Dr. Bronner, you crazy ol' bastard. all-one.
I was sitting here trying to think of a simple topic to pointlessly vent about, then I realized that my writing style has nothing to do with structure, topics or correct grammar. So here it is: The no topic topic. The vent, the rant, the babble. Enjoy the blog of chaos (in other words, enjoy me purging my brain onto an electronic unlocked diary that I openly allow the world to snoop in on and judge).
So, in the past few months, I have had my eyes opened to the world of being single. Talk about frightening at first. WHOA! A new dish on the menu, a new elmo on the market....let's attack! Simply put, I felt like tickle me Elmo, minus the tickling (a little too "free love-esque" for me, sorry Sesame Street). Why is it that the second you get out there, the rabid dogs want to attack like you're the last piece of meat on earth, caaaaalm doowwwwn. Why do you think I would want to search for something new the day after? Thank you, but I'm good. Granted, within time, someone might pop up unexpectedly, while it slaps you in the face, you're trying to keep your head on straight and think logically, keep your head from spinning out of control, exorcist style. Maybe the true thing to do would be to surrender. I mean, what's so wrong with feeling warm & fuzzy and just being happy? Mostly people are worried what others are going to think. WHO CARES? It's YOUR life, why are you letting others dictate anything you do simply by their judgement. If someone is judging you harshly because you're proactively pursuing your happiness, then it must mean that they aren't happy and they want you to join the "downer train" with them. Sorry, but I prefer to take "Stoked Street" in my trusty 1964 VW bug, thanks though.
Everyone has a "rule" after a break-up. "You need to give it half the time for which you were in it." "You should never start dating so soon" or "Just eat chocolate and pickles."
I did the latter. That was my own advice to myself....and guess what? It worked the best! I ate my fill of dill, salty goodness, and dark, rich, sugary smooth cocoa and moved on. Contentment and joy all because of the pickles, who would've thought!
Basically what I'm saying in a long, windy round about way is.....STOP listening to everyone else! Listen to that thing in your chest that pumps lovely blood all through your body, and that acid filled sac below it. For all of you that didn't get that...your heart & your gut.
People ask for advice from others (I'm guilty as well), but they already have a predetermined thought of what they want to do anyway. Why ask? Justification? So if it's the wrong thing to do, you can pass it on, take no blame and say "so & so gave me advice to do that." Awwww, man up! Grow a pair, you'll have a better outlook about yourself and when you do make those correct desicions, you'll know it was ALLLL YOU! (Reminding me of Dr. Bronner ALL ONE!! ALL ONE!)
I was talking to a friend about that soap the other day, we were talking about the label and what is said on it. Has anyone ever read that and start laughing out loud? Or praying? or just stared blankely at it wondering "WTF?" I've done all 3, depending on my inspiration that day. Although, I felt bad for my roommates, for each scenario, there would be a response from them:
1. "Why the hell is she laughing hysterically like a fucking hyena in the bathroom?"
2. "Why did Jenn bring a rosary into the shower with her?"
3. "Why is she walking around with her soap, staring at it looking so confused?"
Although, I was so enthralled with the soap, I didn't notice these reactions to my oddness. Enthrall: To captivate or charm. Dr. Bronner....you have charmed me with your crazy rants like a snake charmer allures a rattlesnake. I mean look at this guy!
Mmm, soapy passion! Passion is such an amazing word...and an amazing feeling. PASSION! So powerful. If you don't have it....you're missing out on life...so GET IT!
Well, now I'm going to GET WITH IT and end this fabulous mind spinning, scattered rant of a blog.
I leave you with this until next time:
Teach the whole human race the Moral ABC of All-One-God-Faith! For we're ALL-ONE OR NONE!! ALL-ONE!!!! ALL-ONE!!!
Oh, Dr. Bronner, you crazy ol' bastard. all-one.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Lets finish this year already
So, as of this moment, I sitting in a massive kitchen with bachelor pad red light district style lights and zebra rugs. I could laugh and ultimately focus on how pimping this pad is, or open my eyes for once and realize the reality of this Christmas. It hasn't been as bad as I assumed it would be, although, it hasn't been the easiest either.
Do you ever wonder if things happen for a reason? I'm now in Utah-of all places, Utah? I think if anyone knows me, they know I will disappear oh so quick when things start getting stressful or negative. I think I can't ignore this any longer, no more miss tough girl. I spend a lot of time by myself, and I have a lot of time to think. Why the flight response? I always imagine the second you stop for a breath, you get smacked in the back of the head with what's chasing you. So why can't we learn and realize that's what's going to happen? Creatures of habit, I suppose. That's why we need each other. As humans, we need to help hold each other up. It's just a matter of finding someone you can trust not to let you fall. I think that you meet others during that time you need someone to help you, but a lot of people don't realize who. We are taught not to trust someone so quickly, maybe life is about opening up and if someone can't deal with that, then who cares. You figured it out quick and that's less time wasted.
This blog is kind of just kind of my mind throwing up thoughts, words, and subconscious crap that's floating around-so don't expect it to make any sense.
Life is day by day, and hour by hour-don't dwell on the little things, and just take everything as it comes. If people stopped trying to complicate things, I think they would figure how how happy they really are. My dad was always super chill & I wondered why he never worried sometimes. It's because he taught me that life is just plain fun. I hope I can pass that on, and get others to realize it, and not worry about the small stuff. :)
I hope everyone has a good christmas this year. I know it's been a tough year for everyone. Maybe if we go into the next year with a positive outlook, it'll be a little bit better :) Merry Christmas everyone. Peace & lots of love :)
Do you ever wonder if things happen for a reason? I'm now in Utah-of all places, Utah? I think if anyone knows me, they know I will disappear oh so quick when things start getting stressful or negative. I think I can't ignore this any longer, no more miss tough girl. I spend a lot of time by myself, and I have a lot of time to think. Why the flight response? I always imagine the second you stop for a breath, you get smacked in the back of the head with what's chasing you. So why can't we learn and realize that's what's going to happen? Creatures of habit, I suppose. That's why we need each other. As humans, we need to help hold each other up. It's just a matter of finding someone you can trust not to let you fall. I think that you meet others during that time you need someone to help you, but a lot of people don't realize who. We are taught not to trust someone so quickly, maybe life is about opening up and if someone can't deal with that, then who cares. You figured it out quick and that's less time wasted.
This blog is kind of just kind of my mind throwing up thoughts, words, and subconscious crap that's floating around-so don't expect it to make any sense.
Life is day by day, and hour by hour-don't dwell on the little things, and just take everything as it comes. If people stopped trying to complicate things, I think they would figure how how happy they really are. My dad was always super chill & I wondered why he never worried sometimes. It's because he taught me that life is just plain fun. I hope I can pass that on, and get others to realize it, and not worry about the small stuff. :)
I hope everyone has a good christmas this year. I know it's been a tough year for everyone. Maybe if we go into the next year with a positive outlook, it'll be a little bit better :) Merry Christmas everyone. Peace & lots of love :)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Life List!
Well, I gave in, I'm making one. What to do in my lifetime.
1. Snowboard in Chili
2. Snowboard/visit Finland & Switzerland
3. Hike & Meditate in Nepal & Tibet. Visit an Earthly beyul.
4. Help in Kenya, then hike Kilamanjaro
5. Hike Half Dome
1. Snowboard in Chili
2. Snowboard/visit Finland & Switzerland
3. Hike & Meditate in Nepal & Tibet. Visit an Earthly beyul.
4. Help in Kenya, then hike Kilamanjaro
5. Hike Half Dome
6. Own a classic old (1960's) VW bug & a Subaru
7. Live in a cabin near the mountains (no cell phone service would be ideal)
8. Snowboard Grand Targhee
9. Paraglide
10. Make my family proud
11. Surf
12. Hike Castle Peak, ID.
13.Hike the Grand Tetons
14. Paraglide
15. *Truly* make someone happy
16. Heliboard
17. Backpack Kauai
7. Live in a cabin near the mountains (no cell phone service would be ideal)
8. Snowboard Grand Targhee
9. Paraglide
10. Make my family proud
11. Surf
12. Hike Castle Peak, ID.
13.
15. *Truly* make someone happy
16. Heliboard
17. Backpack Kauai
Failing the acceptance chapter!
So, I was sitting in church today listening to an awesome talk being given by an awesome chick when I needed to write, something came to me and I had the urge. I had no clue what I was about to write, but I needed to.
Then, after wards, on my way to work (yes, ON MY WAY to work. I multitask very well, most of the time!) I read what I wrote. In a way it surprised me. Is my sub-conscience trying to tell me something?? Anyway.....here's what flooded onto that paper this morning out of my brain.....
Is acceptance a sort of agreement? Is it shaking hands with life, finally letting go of a stubborness and humbling yourself with the truth?
In short moments of clarity and realization, that's what I've come to understand. Acceptance doesn't mean you have to deal alone, look up and ask for help. It means you can move on and know that you will be okay. Know that you'll feel pain, know that won't be alone, know that can hold your hand out and use your experiences to help ease another aggrieved heart.
Maybe sometimes you need to realize that your headed towards acceptance......and just accept it.
Then, after wards, on my way to work (yes, ON MY WAY to work. I multitask very well, most of the time!) I read what I wrote. In a way it surprised me. Is my sub-conscience trying to tell me something?? Anyway.....here's what flooded onto that paper this morning out of my brain.....
Is acceptance a sort of agreement? Is it shaking hands with life, finally letting go of a stubborness and humbling yourself with the truth?
In short moments of clarity and realization, that's what I've come to understand. Acceptance doesn't mean you have to deal alone, look up and ask for help. It means you can move on and know that you will be okay. Know that you'll feel pain, know that won't be alone, know that can hold your hand out and use your experiences to help ease another aggrieved heart.
Maybe sometimes you need to realize that your headed towards acceptance......and just accept it.
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