Life List!

Well, I gave in, I'm making one. What to do in my lifetime.

1. Snowboard in Chili
2. Snowboard/visit Finland & Switzerland
3. Hike & Meditate in Nepal & Tibet. Visit an Earthly beyul.
4. Help in Kenya, then hike Kilamanjaro
5. Hike Half Dome

6. Own a classic old (1960's) VW bug & a Subaru
7. Live in a cabin near the mountains (no cell phone service would be ideal)
8. Snowboard Grand Targhee
9. Paraglide
10. Make my family proud
11. Surf
12. Hike Castle Peak, ID.
13. Hike the Grand Tetons
14. Paraglide
15. *Truly* make someone happy
16. Heliboard
17. Backpack Kauai

Failing the acceptance chapter!

So, I was sitting in church today listening to an awesome talk being given by an awesome chick when I needed to write, something came to me and I had the urge. I had no clue what I was about to write, but I needed to.
Then, after wards, on my way to work (yes, ON MY WAY to work. I multitask very well, most of the time!) I read what I wrote. In a way it surprised me. Is my sub-conscience trying to tell me something?? Anyway.....here's what flooded onto that paper this morning out of my brain.....

Is acceptance a sort of agreement? Is it shaking hands with life, finally letting go of a stubborness and humbling yourself with the truth?
In short moments of clarity and realization, that's what I've come to understand. Acceptance doesn't mean you have to deal alone, look up and ask for help. It means you can move on and know that you will be okay. Know that you'll feel pain, know that won't be alone, know that can hold your hand out and use your experiences to help ease another aggrieved heart.
Maybe sometimes you need to realize that your headed towards acceptance......and just accept it.

Happiness is your choice

Life is hard, and that's no lie! People go through different difficult obstacles all the time, such as losing a loved one, failing college, divorce, causing others harm, even just tiny things such as losing keys, wallet and a purse in one day. Some obstacles are a little harder than others....although, I think that can't be measured.
People are so different, it's fascinating and amazing! What may be so hard for one person, may just make another stronger. I went through a time feeling sorry for myself, which in turn made others feel sorry for me (which was NOT awesome) and made others not want to be around me (ALSO not awesome). I think one day I was smacked with the realization that I make my minutes, my hours and my days. HEY, I even make my years.
I know that there are so many large uncontrollable variables, but I figure that if I look at my life as a big picture and look at other's lives, that those variables will slowly seem like tiny problems that remind me of a dandelion's parachute ball that you can just blow and watch float away with complete content.
Some days are terrible, I know, but look for a person who looks just a tad bit worse, and make them smile. I know, that's my answer all the time, but your heart just grows with every person you touch. Life is just a day by day process, when you feel yourself rushing , just grab that dandelion and take a second to blow away your stress. Even just for a that minute. That one minute will turn to two, which one day will turn to three, and so on.
Good things take time and it seems that today, people aren't cherishing that time and soaking it up, enjoying it. Life is so amazing and full of true peace and love, even in the middle of hate and war, you just need to open your eyes and look a little bit more. The little things around us are beautiful even when we aren't, inside and out.
All I ask is that you take an extra minute to look around, notice a tiny flower, notice a beautiful, quiet, rich green tree, notice the exchange of a look exploding with love between a couple, notice how the sun warms up your face after the wind dies down, notice how, no matter where you are, you can find beauty within your world. Notice that you can make the best out of every day, even though sometimes the "best" isn't even good, or even alright....it'll be better than how you were before you started thinking about making your day better. Happiness really is your choice, all you really have to do is realize it, then grab that dandelion and roll with the punches! SMILE!! :)

What's going on?

So, my life is crazy. A lot of friends know this and a lot of family points it out. There are positives to being a "free spirit" or a "transient." There also negatives though. I always talk about where I have been, and I always miss it. I then go back and it's not the same, I miss the last place I was in.
I'm afraid I won't ever be content in the present. Keep in mind that content is completely different than happy. I'm always happy with the present. What's the point if your not happy, and passing that happiness onto others? Aura and energy are real things, not just hippie hogwash, I promise you that. Why can't I be content? It's the question of the century. A boy has never kept me down, a job has never kept me down, and an apartment hasn't either. Is it independance? Who knows!

Bad things....what can you do?

This pile O' crap just doesn't stop, huh?
People always ask, "How are you keeping it together, how are you so happy?"
Can you imagine, if you were to pass away or simply disappear....would you want your loved ones or friends to be happy or gloomy every day that passes?
You know the answer to that! And...if you don't, you are one sick fool.
To all who are unhappy, take a long look in the mirror. WHY? You look horrible! Grow a pair and sky dive, maybe that will bring a nervous, yet happy tear to your eye.
Stop treating others like crap simply because it elevates your mood. You suck that way.
The solution to that is simple. Stop sucking.
:)
Man, I feel like a crazy person at times, yet I am told I handle it very well. I feel as if I'm all over the board! Temperatures are rising in odd places and falling in others, and I feel like I'm the mercury. Odd.

Do you ever sometimes take a step back and look around at the big picture. Do you realize how trivial most things are? Makes you feel kind of foolish in that moment, until your snapped back into reality and back into unrecognized(?) foolishness. Foolishness can actually be pretty fun at times, trust me! I run around this crazy nation of ours enough to know that. Take now, for example. I'm sitting in Utah. Foolish? Maybe. Maybe not. That's something I won't know until the time passes, although I'm definitely leaning towards maybe not.

Apparently, for some, foolishness can also equal smarts. If you are that person, you learn. That, I think, is where everyone wants to be, it's where most people are because if they aren't there-they obviously aren't smart enough to even wish they were there...they already would have acted on it. It's like the druggie who knows they need to quit, but they just keep doing it. not smart.
Well, Lesson over! School's out. I'm off my pedestal that I should obviously never jump on again (but probably will)! :)

.Better.

The feeling of longing.
The want for better.
The need for something.
What's missing from myself?
And, am I finally finding it?
Slowly but surely I feel my life piecing itself together,
Coming together from pieces never seen before.
Pieces never seen with open eyes and a clear heart.

My mind and body are happy,
But there is something my soul is reaching for.
Something larger than anything I can imagine.
And I do imagine it...Being whole.
To be whole is a reality I can feel calling me, pulling me.
A reality that I can better myself,
Mind, body, soul....and spirit, all together.
A reality I will reach, and live out.

A carepage post to always remember

Just remembering some of the words said during the toughest time in my life.....The day before:

May 6, 2009


I can't believe the amazing family I have. I knew we were close, but I consider every one of you my best friends.Mom & Dad, I have always considered you two my best friends. I love the talks we always just seem to have, and the fun that just seems to follow the three of us around.I look at the two of you and just wish I end up with the same love you two have. You have been an amazing example of what love is supposed to look, act, and be like.

For some reason, my heart still feels like it's in one piece-I would expect it to be falling apart at this point, but I think the only reason it's managing to stay together is because of mom, dad, lisa, teresa, and brian. Mom, holding me until I'm out of tears helps hold me together. Your hugs are part of the glue keeping my heart intact, I just hope I can do the same.
Lisa, Teresa & Brian-knowing that I'm not alone with these feelings is very reassuring-since we are feeling the same, your words help massively, I just hope you can listen to them too. I know it's hard to listen to advice you give to others so, if you need me to turn around and repeat what you had said to me, I will. We have all grown together as friends, it is so helpful at this time.
And Dad....You smiling and holding my hand is all I need. The love you have for all of us is so great and amazing, we always see it when you just look at us, and we always have. You care for our family so much, I hope to be like that someday, just to be even half of the person you and mom each are would be more than enough-I would be more than happy :)
Everyone, keep staying strong, keep leaning on each other when needed.
Once again, thank you to absolutely everybody for your support-we are using part everyone's strength, we need all of it. :)

Peace & Love.
Jenn(Kiss-hug! Kiss-hug!)