Just remembering some of the words said during the toughest time in my life.....The day before:
May 6, 2009
I can't believe the amazing family I have. I knew we were close, but I consider every one of you my best friends.Mom & Dad, I have always considered you two my best friends. I love the talks we always just seem to have, and the fun that just seems to follow the three of us around.I look at the two of you and just wish I end up with the same love you two have. You have been an amazing example of what love is supposed to look, act, and be like.
For some reason, my heart still feels like it's in one piece-I would expect it to be falling apart at this point, but I think the only reason it's managing to stay together is because of mom, dad, lisa, teresa, and brian. Mom, holding me until I'm out of tears helps hold me together. Your hugs are part of the glue keeping my heart intact, I just hope I can do the same.
Lisa, Teresa & Brian-knowing that I'm not alone with these feelings is very reassuring-since we are feeling the same, your words help massively, I just hope you can listen to them too. I know it's hard to listen to advice you give to others so, if you need me to turn around and repeat what you had said to me, I will. We have all grown together as friends, it is so helpful at this time.
And Dad....You smiling and holding my hand is all I need. The love you have for all of us is so great and amazing, we always see it when you just look at us, and we always have. You care for our family so much, I hope to be like that someday, just to be even half of the person you and mom each are would be more than enough-I would be more than happy :)
Everyone, keep staying strong, keep leaning on each other when needed.
Once again, thank you to absolutely everybody for your support-we are using part everyone's strength, we need all of it. :)
Peace & Love.
Jenn(Kiss-hug! Kiss-hug!)
Monday, June 22, 2009
Carepage writings
I'm trying to gather the writing I had on the carepages just so I can remember....
May 1
Dad-Thankyou for letting me help you with stuff, and thankyou so much for talking to us. Even through this tough time, you are so thoughtful and caring of others, we all agree that our father is awesome!
Mom-Thankyou for helping me to understand things that are going on, and not keeping anything from me. You are an amazing beautiful woman, and we are all greatly appreciative of everything you do for us and dad.
Lisa-Thankyou for helping me to get down here, and thankyou for your awesome strength and words. You say some amazing things that keep the positive thoughts rolling. I'm never scared to tell you my fears, because you seem just know just what to say. I wish I could be as strong as you at times!
Teresa-Thankyou so much for our late night talks, it seems to just happen, and it really really helps me tremendously. I love being around you, you seem to have the same mind set as I do about this. I admire you greatly for being the awesome mother you are, while achieving what you want. I'm so so happy for you :)
Brian-Thankyou for noticing the times I need a hug, and thankyou for your dad-like wisdom. We all need to hear what you have to say to keep us sane. I have always looked up to you, and that will never change. You have held a lot of us together, reminding us to hold our heads high and smile. :)
EVERYONE WHO HAS COME TO VISIT MY DAD'S CAREPAGE-Thankyou so so very much for your support, prayers, hugs, words, tears, laughter and love.I could never ask for a more amazing family and could never be more proud. You are all so strong, it's unbelievable. I have been amazed more and more by everyone around me every day that goes by.I just thought everyone needed to hear something positive while being reminded of how great they are! Everyone needs to be thanked every once in a while! :)
May 1
Dad-Thankyou for letting me help you with stuff, and thankyou so much for talking to us. Even through this tough time, you are so thoughtful and caring of others, we all agree that our father is awesome!
Mom-Thankyou for helping me to understand things that are going on, and not keeping anything from me. You are an amazing beautiful woman, and we are all greatly appreciative of everything you do for us and dad.
Lisa-Thankyou for helping me to get down here, and thankyou for your awesome strength and words. You say some amazing things that keep the positive thoughts rolling. I'm never scared to tell you my fears, because you seem just know just what to say. I wish I could be as strong as you at times!
Teresa-Thankyou so much for our late night talks, it seems to just happen, and it really really helps me tremendously. I love being around you, you seem to have the same mind set as I do about this. I admire you greatly for being the awesome mother you are, while achieving what you want. I'm so so happy for you :)
Brian-Thankyou for noticing the times I need a hug, and thankyou for your dad-like wisdom. We all need to hear what you have to say to keep us sane. I have always looked up to you, and that will never change. You have held a lot of us together, reminding us to hold our heads high and smile. :)
EVERYONE WHO HAS COME TO VISIT MY DAD'S CAREPAGE-Thankyou so so very much for your support, prayers, hugs, words, tears, laughter and love.I could never ask for a more amazing family and could never be more proud. You are all so strong, it's unbelievable. I have been amazed more and more by everyone around me every day that goes by.I just thought everyone needed to hear something positive while being reminded of how great they are! Everyone needs to be thanked every once in a while! :)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The strange realization
The past few weeks, I have closed my mind to the fact of ALL that is happening. I now realize how harmful that has been to my heart. Well, I haven't realized, but I have an idea. With father's day coming up, everything is flashing DAD in my face. I feel terrible every time I hear a father's day commercial. I am starting to really have to face my denial to my current situations.
I sat there watching people as they nit picked, and snapped at each other-maybe it was the last port of their cruise and they were sick of each other, maybe it was the dreary weather, either way I was screaming at them inside. The terrible things people do to one another! I want to shake them and ask, what if you lost them??? Your life would be, nothing. Lost. Wandering, turned upside down spinning as if it were a broken propeller on a plane. I feel no anticipation for anything, is that depression? Clinically speaking-I guess. Whatever, it's called lost and so extremely sad, you're not sure how to deal.
I think I finally found a way, smile. If you make someone else smile, you're helping them. What is better than helping another person get through a tough time? What's better then making someone feel better just by hugging them, touching their shoulder, or just telling them your praying for them. Life is so confusing that this is how I, myself have figured it's the only way I can survive. I need to help others. Yes, I want to, I have wanted to for years now, but I think I've reached the point where I NEED it for my own survival.
There are up days, there are down days, there are days where I'm just a shell. I'm not sure where I am on that chart right now. All I know is that I hope my friends are okay right now, all I know is that I hope two souls are found either by us or him, all I know I that I'm lost, and I really need my dad right now.
I sat there watching people as they nit picked, and snapped at each other-maybe it was the last port of their cruise and they were sick of each other, maybe it was the dreary weather, either way I was screaming at them inside. The terrible things people do to one another! I want to shake them and ask, what if you lost them??? Your life would be, nothing. Lost. Wandering, turned upside down spinning as if it were a broken propeller on a plane. I feel no anticipation for anything, is that depression? Clinically speaking-I guess. Whatever, it's called lost and so extremely sad, you're not sure how to deal.
I think I finally found a way, smile. If you make someone else smile, you're helping them. What is better than helping another person get through a tough time? What's better then making someone feel better just by hugging them, touching their shoulder, or just telling them your praying for them. Life is so confusing that this is how I, myself have figured it's the only way I can survive. I need to help others. Yes, I want to, I have wanted to for years now, but I think I've reached the point where I NEED it for my own survival.
There are up days, there are down days, there are days where I'm just a shell. I'm not sure where I am on that chart right now. All I know is that I hope my friends are okay right now, all I know is that I hope two souls are found either by us or him, all I know I that I'm lost, and I really need my dad right now.
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