The past few weeks, I have closed my mind to the fact of ALL that is happening. I now realize how harmful that has been to my heart. Well, I haven't realized, but I have an idea. With father's day coming up, everything is flashing DAD in my face. I feel terrible every time I hear a father's day commercial. I am starting to really have to face my denial to my current situations.
I sat there watching people as they nit picked, and snapped at each other-maybe it was the last port of their cruise and they were sick of each other, maybe it was the dreary weather, either way I was screaming at them inside. The terrible things people do to one another! I want to shake them and ask, what if you lost them??? Your life would be, nothing. Lost. Wandering, turned upside down spinning as if it were a broken propeller on a plane. I feel no anticipation for anything, is that depression? Clinically speaking-I guess. Whatever, it's called lost and so extremely sad, you're not sure how to deal.
I think I finally found a way, smile. If you make someone else smile, you're helping them. What is better than helping another person get through a tough time? What's better then making someone feel better just by hugging them, touching their shoulder, or just telling them your praying for them. Life is so confusing that this is how I, myself have figured it's the only way I can survive. I need to help others. Yes, I want to, I have wanted to for years now, but I think I've reached the point where I NEED it for my own survival.
There are up days, there are down days, there are days where I'm just a shell. I'm not sure where I am on that chart right now. All I know is that I hope my friends are okay right now, all I know is that I hope two souls are found either by us or him, all I know I that I'm lost, and I really need my dad right now.
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